Do you ever feel bittersweet with certain holiday event types of days? I'm not completely sure why this afflicts me, but I am going to attempt to tease it out.
I guess for me I feel like I don't really own the stereotypical idea of being a mother or having a mother. I am far from traditional in either role and things are far from perfect in either role.
Then, not owning that stereotypical classic sort of fantasy about motherhood, there is a certain amount of sadness. Is it guilt for not being able to find a way to achieve the storybook fantasy? It might be some of that. It's kind of a heavy feeling like you didn't quite get there did you.
But then I would argue that probably hardly anyone fits into that storybook role. I bet lots of people that aren't storybook mothers don't feel bad about it.
If there is one thing I have learned about motherhood it is that it comes with heaps of intense emotions and yes..., painful experiences. I'm sure all mothers would agree with that to some degree. So then maybe how we get through all of that tough stuff ends up making lots of variety in what ends up being a mother for all of the people. And many of those mothers won't be storybook mothers.
So maybe it's silly to feel that weird feeling. We are mothers in such different ways with such different experiences to deal with. We do our best. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we don't. Perfect people are so boring anyway. And the ones with battle scars have got great stories and giant spirits that got through whatever it was they had to deal with.
I love all of you guys for your amazing effort. Happy Day.